Finally the time had come...the wait was over...ma xperience about to reach new horizons...the moment about
which I had been thinking from the past 2 hours was cumin alive...from the moment I heard about IT,there was nothing running on ma mind except me xperiencing IT...reached there...parked the bike in front of a "no parking" signboard(hated to spend another 10 mins for parking the bike in the parking lot)...paying the ticket
for parking the bike in the wrong place seemed too small a price to pay for wat I was about to xperience and I was prepared for that.........
Hurried in...the security check at the entrance of the multiplex irritiated me...but I stayed calm knowing very well that if I said something it would extend the wait and I was not ready to take that...took the escalator to the first floor...ma mind already wandering in the 2nd floor where IT was waiting for me...ran up the stairs to the second floor-I m sure people there must've thot I was a poor diabetic patient who was rushing to the restroom trying to save himself from the embarrassment of peeing publically-such was ma hurry...
At last,there IT was...bout 20 feet away...both ma eyes fixed on IT,cursing NATURE y I had only 2 eyes (cos I just could not get enough of IT)...even a bombshell or a bomblast next to me would not have succeeded in changing ma line of vision...I walked towards IT,completeli oblivious to ma surroundings as if some strange
power beyond human comprehension has taken control over me...when I reached there,just brushed aside the girl in front of me,gave a 100 rupee note to the vendor not bothering about the change and asked him to hurry up...Held IT in ma hands with pride and satisfaction as if I just won the world cup for all the sports on the
face of this earth...as I put the glass which the vendor gave me to ma lips and sipped the LIQUID CHOCOLATE ma eyes automatically closed,ma lips streched itself into a broad smile which even Jim Carrey wud have been proud off and I let out a long "yummmmmmmmmmmmmm" sound which I m sure made atleast 10 people around me luk at me with disgust...every sip makin me more and more happy...people around me getin used to the "yummmmmmmm" sound which automaticalli came outa ma mouth everytime I tuk a sip...
But as the saying goes "every good thing has to come to an end" even ma HOT CHOCOLATE came to an end...but not before giving me-the kinda happiness which no one could give me,makin me walk outa the multiplex feeling like a King who just conquered the whole world and a small brown moustache which was thr to stay til I washed ma face next...;-)
Friday, June 13, 2008
...The Last Dinner...
Even before meeting her,I already knew wat the meeting was about...me sitting on a chair and she in another,opposite to me across the table(she asked me to meet for dinner)as usual lukin loveli(always for my eyes)...I could feel the warmth she radiated,could see in her eyes how much she cared for me,could feel in her words the way she loved me...or maybe it was all because I WANTED to think that way or maybe because thinking dat way made me feel gud and less vulnerable...
I was wishing that the time wud freeze-cos I did not want to hear wat she had to say-cos I dreaded the happening of the thing which she wanted-and at the same time wanted her to breach the topic soon hoping from the bottom of ma heart that it wud not be wat I had expected it to be...my mind in a state of confusion of wat I would do?,how I would react?,wil I be able to cope up ?and if it was posssible how?......
When the dinner had almost come to an end,the thing which I was so scared off-the thing about which ma mind was spinning around for the past 1 hour-the occurence of the moment which I knew would come but was not prepared for,finaly occured,the topic was breached,the line which came next felt heavy on ma head as if I had just been
hammered."Ani, I think we must put an end to our relationship"...I felt like ma world was about to come to an end-ma mind blank,taking one full minute to properli understand wat exactli the statement meant...I saw tears rolling down her cheeks and could see how difficult it was for her to say dat...
Memories flooded back to ma mind...the way I met her the first time,feeling so insecure,the insecurity being erased in a loveli way by she makin me feel like I m the most important person to her-the way I got her completeli drenched from head to toe on her birthday when I said I wud drop her to her office-the way we fought
in a hotel over whos gonna order and ended up walking outa the hotel without eating n wid tears in her eyes(wil never forgive maself for that)-the way we used to play antakshari at nite on phone when mom was not at home...everything was stil so fresh in ma mind...
Suddenli felt a hand on ma cheek and heard her saying "wat do u say???"......me came back to ma senses...back to the present...thinking of wat to say-knowing very well that watever I say to make it work would not serve its purpose,knowing very well that it WAS THE END,knowing very well that I wont be able to hear the 3 most
precious words "I love u" from her again...
Wanted to cry like a baby(my opinion about me being a mentally strong person crumbling) ...but the onli thing on ma mind at that time was "PLEASE MAKE SURE SHE DOES NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR HAVING TO DO THIS,PLEASE DONT CRY"...had to summon the last ounce of ma will power to stop maself from dropping a tear and even that seemed
impossible...the thot of she crying at the sight of me in tears was unbearable,would never forgiv myself if she cried because of me being a reason and that gave me the strength to keep myself in control for then...somehow managed a smile...dint say anything(which I m sure she dint approve off)...we were done wid the dinner and I had to drop her back to the office(she had taken permission for 2 hours for our meet).....no one spoke n e thing on our way back...it was a 10 minute drive...almost as we reached the office,she again probed..."Ani,I asked u something"....at dat moment,stopped the bike,managed a weird lukin smile,luked into her watery eyes which stared back into mine...took a great deal of effort to get ma voice out thru ma throat,finally said "Sweetie,I always gave u watever u asked for...I wont break that trend...Gud luck in everything u
do"..............
I was wishing that the time wud freeze-cos I did not want to hear wat she had to say-cos I dreaded the happening of the thing which she wanted-and at the same time wanted her to breach the topic soon hoping from the bottom of ma heart that it wud not be wat I had expected it to be...my mind in a state of confusion of wat I would do?,how I would react?,wil I be able to cope up ?and if it was posssible how?......
When the dinner had almost come to an end,the thing which I was so scared off-the thing about which ma mind was spinning around for the past 1 hour-the occurence of the moment which I knew would come but was not prepared for,finaly occured,the topic was breached,the line which came next felt heavy on ma head as if I had just been
hammered."Ani, I think we must put an end to our relationship"...I felt like ma world was about to come to an end-ma mind blank,taking one full minute to properli understand wat exactli the statement meant...I saw tears rolling down her cheeks and could see how difficult it was for her to say dat...
Memories flooded back to ma mind...the way I met her the first time,feeling so insecure,the insecurity being erased in a loveli way by she makin me feel like I m the most important person to her-the way I got her completeli drenched from head to toe on her birthday when I said I wud drop her to her office-the way we fought
in a hotel over whos gonna order and ended up walking outa the hotel without eating n wid tears in her eyes(wil never forgive maself for that)-the way we used to play antakshari at nite on phone when mom was not at home...everything was stil so fresh in ma mind...
Suddenli felt a hand on ma cheek and heard her saying "wat do u say???"......me came back to ma senses...back to the present...thinking of wat to say-knowing very well that watever I say to make it work would not serve its purpose,knowing very well that it WAS THE END,knowing very well that I wont be able to hear the 3 most
precious words "I love u" from her again...
Wanted to cry like a baby(my opinion about me being a mentally strong person crumbling) ...but the onli thing on ma mind at that time was "PLEASE MAKE SURE SHE DOES NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR HAVING TO DO THIS,PLEASE DONT CRY"...had to summon the last ounce of ma will power to stop maself from dropping a tear and even that seemed
impossible...the thot of she crying at the sight of me in tears was unbearable,would never forgiv myself if she cried because of me being a reason and that gave me the strength to keep myself in control for then...somehow managed a smile...dint say anything(which I m sure she dint approve off)...we were done wid the dinner and I had to drop her back to the office(she had taken permission for 2 hours for our meet).....no one spoke n e thing on our way back...it was a 10 minute drive...almost as we reached the office,she again probed..."Ani,I asked u something"....at dat moment,stopped the bike,managed a weird lukin smile,luked into her watery eyes which stared back into mine...took a great deal of effort to get ma voice out thru ma throat,finally said "Sweetie,I always gave u watever u asked for...I wont break that trend...Gud luck in everything u
do"..............
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