Even before meeting her,I already knew wat the meeting was about...me sitting on a chair and she in another,opposite to me across the table(she asked me to meet for dinner)as usual lukin loveli(always for my eyes)...I could feel the warmth she radiated,could see in her eyes how much she cared for me,could feel in her words the way she loved me...or maybe it was all because I WANTED to think that way or maybe because thinking dat way made me feel gud and less vulnerable...
I was wishing that the time wud freeze-cos I did not want to hear wat she had to say-cos I dreaded the happening of the thing which she wanted-and at the same time wanted her to breach the topic soon hoping from the bottom of ma heart that it wud not be wat I had expected it to be...my mind in a state of confusion of wat I would do?,how I would react?,wil I be able to cope up ?and if it was posssible how?......
When the dinner had almost come to an end,the thing which I was so scared off-the thing about which ma mind was spinning around for the past 1 hour-the occurence of the moment which I knew would come but was not prepared for,finaly occured,the topic was breached,the line which came next felt heavy on ma head as if I had just been
hammered."Ani, I think we must put an end to our relationship"...I felt like ma world was about to come to an end-ma mind blank,taking one full minute to properli understand wat exactli the statement meant...I saw tears rolling down her cheeks and could see how difficult it was for her to say dat...
Memories flooded back to ma mind...the way I met her the first time,feeling so insecure,the insecurity being erased in a loveli way by she makin me feel like I m the most important person to her-the way I got her completeli drenched from head to toe on her birthday when I said I wud drop her to her office-the way we fought
in a hotel over whos gonna order and ended up walking outa the hotel without eating n wid tears in her eyes(wil never forgive maself for that)-the way we used to play antakshari at nite on phone when mom was not at home...everything was stil so fresh in ma mind...
Suddenli felt a hand on ma cheek and heard her saying "wat do u say???"......me came back to ma senses...back to the present...thinking of wat to say-knowing very well that watever I say to make it work would not serve its purpose,knowing very well that it WAS THE END,knowing very well that I wont be able to hear the 3 most
precious words "I love u" from her again...
Wanted to cry like a baby(my opinion about me being a mentally strong person crumbling) ...but the onli thing on ma mind at that time was "PLEASE MAKE SURE SHE DOES NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR HAVING TO DO THIS,PLEASE DONT CRY"...had to summon the last ounce of ma will power to stop maself from dropping a tear and even that seemed
impossible...the thot of she crying at the sight of me in tears was unbearable,would never forgiv myself if she cried because of me being a reason and that gave me the strength to keep myself in control for then...somehow managed a smile...dint say anything(which I m sure she dint approve off)...we were done wid the dinner and I had to drop her back to the office(she had taken permission for 2 hours for our meet).....no one spoke n e thing on our way back...it was a 10 minute drive...almost as we reached the office,she again probed..."Ani,I asked u something"....at dat moment,stopped the bike,managed a weird lukin smile,luked into her watery eyes which stared back into mine...took a great deal of effort to get ma voice out thru ma throat,finally said "Sweetie,I always gave u watever u asked for...I wont break that trend...Gud luck in everything u
do"..............
I was wishing that the time wud freeze-cos I did not want to hear wat she had to say-cos I dreaded the happening of the thing which she wanted-and at the same time wanted her to breach the topic soon hoping from the bottom of ma heart that it wud not be wat I had expected it to be...my mind in a state of confusion of wat I would do?,how I would react?,wil I be able to cope up ?and if it was posssible how?......
When the dinner had almost come to an end,the thing which I was so scared off-the thing about which ma mind was spinning around for the past 1 hour-the occurence of the moment which I knew would come but was not prepared for,finaly occured,the topic was breached,the line which came next felt heavy on ma head as if I had just been
hammered."Ani, I think we must put an end to our relationship"...I felt like ma world was about to come to an end-ma mind blank,taking one full minute to properli understand wat exactli the statement meant...I saw tears rolling down her cheeks and could see how difficult it was for her to say dat...
Memories flooded back to ma mind...the way I met her the first time,feeling so insecure,the insecurity being erased in a loveli way by she makin me feel like I m the most important person to her-the way I got her completeli drenched from head to toe on her birthday when I said I wud drop her to her office-the way we fought
in a hotel over whos gonna order and ended up walking outa the hotel without eating n wid tears in her eyes(wil never forgive maself for that)-the way we used to play antakshari at nite on phone when mom was not at home...everything was stil so fresh in ma mind...
Suddenli felt a hand on ma cheek and heard her saying "wat do u say???"......me came back to ma senses...back to the present...thinking of wat to say-knowing very well that watever I say to make it work would not serve its purpose,knowing very well that it WAS THE END,knowing very well that I wont be able to hear the 3 most
precious words "I love u" from her again...
Wanted to cry like a baby(my opinion about me being a mentally strong person crumbling) ...but the onli thing on ma mind at that time was "PLEASE MAKE SURE SHE DOES NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR HAVING TO DO THIS,PLEASE DONT CRY"...had to summon the last ounce of ma will power to stop maself from dropping a tear and even that seemed
impossible...the thot of she crying at the sight of me in tears was unbearable,would never forgiv myself if she cried because of me being a reason and that gave me the strength to keep myself in control for then...somehow managed a smile...dint say anything(which I m sure she dint approve off)...we were done wid the dinner and I had to drop her back to the office(she had taken permission for 2 hours for our meet).....no one spoke n e thing on our way back...it was a 10 minute drive...almost as we reached the office,she again probed..."Ani,I asked u something"....at dat moment,stopped the bike,managed a weird lukin smile,luked into her watery eyes which stared back into mine...took a great deal of effort to get ma voice out thru ma throat,finally said "Sweetie,I always gave u watever u asked for...I wont break that trend...Gud luck in everything u
do"..............
11 comments:
It very nice from you...I know it's difficult, but everything happens with reason ;)
Ani...sweeti i thought i knew u pretty well...but i guess i made a mistake! reading this post brought tears to my eyes...but no matter how painful it was, it was an experience second to none! And sometimes just sometimes don give a gal wat she asks for! Ur such a sensitive guy and thank god ur in my life! its wonderful knowing u understand all this, wonderful to have u think in such a beautiful way! wonderful to say ur one of the most selfless ppl i have ever known! u rock!
Man!!! U really made me feel tears flowing inside my chest.. I was always looking for true lovers like Heer Raanjha, Romeo Juliet.. and now my search came to an end when i saw ur face here.. U R A BRAVE PERSON and A TRUE LOVER..
Love never means to see urself with her, it infact means giving all happiness to ur beloved without a single thought, it may be ur life though....
i am nt sure whether she did the rite thing but asking u to put it to an end...surely she mite b regretting it nw...sme1 loss is others gain...jus go by it..hard luck....
Wel..all i can say is its a hard thing 2 believe..cnt evn compare it 2 how hard it mst 've been 4 u..
but as the saying goes we dun always get wat we want and den things jst dun go da way we want dem to..
Never the less such things do happen in life..and we got to take them in our stride.
I sumtimes curse myself..coz it all started 4m me..bt 2 luk at da positive side of it..u had experienced da most important part of your life thru it.
Ani buddy..u knw..i consider u as one of ma best buddies & i'm no gr8person 2 console you over it..as u urself are so tuff 4m within.. bt wud lyk 2 say one thing 2 u..always do good n trust me God is always der you no matter wat!!!
Hey Ani.. Though i knew dat ur relationship had ended coz u told me abt it but i nevr knew dat d end or ur relationship resulted in dis way.. It was nly aft readin dis i came 2 kno.. Even though i've nt been in any kin'a relationship b4., still da vry thout of losin/endin a relationship runs a shiver down ma spine.. 'm a vey emotional person & think more 4m ma heart.. Don't kno how culd u evn utter those few words wid an heavy heart at d end of it n dat 2 wid a fair smile.. God nly kno's how mentally strong u r?? If i wuld b at ur place thn definitely i culdn't hav been able 2 control ma tears.. Really gr8 n brave on ur part 2 do so.. I donno whether she can deserve some1 more lovin than u bt ya., u definitely deserve a lot more.. I'm really lucky dat i've a frnd like u.. Keep rockin buddy!!
hey guys...this particular post jst describes that particular dinner and the experience...dats it...
please please please dont b soo judgemental about the end (or) the whole relationship (or) me (or) the gal...
as alexandra said evrything happens with a reason...n when it cums to the gal in this article she was a GEM,a real gem who gave me 1 n half years of a veri important phase in ma life...veri few people knw how hard it was for her to take a descision(which I stil respect)...
she absoluteli deserves al the hapiness n I sincereli pray n wish dat she gets everything she wants...
Hey Ani..felt really good after reading your comment. I had that feeling about how difficult it is for BOTH..but that coming from you makes much more sense...I am glad there are no hard feelings...
be strong ok....
till i know i have been hearing abt....., ani is like this ani is like tht he's very sweet........
but reading this made me felt tht wht all i heard is true and i fel blessed to have a frend like u!!........thts all i can say
Ani... I dnt know wat to say...but u made me cry... I am speechless..Whenever I think of my break up I always make my heart understand about the fact that "If you love someone set it free, if it comes back to u it is urs if it doesnt it never was..." but I know how difficult it is to follow the same... To be honest wat touched me most was the reply that u gave...the last line in the story... I thought I am the strongest person when it comes to will power but the way u handled the situation...I surrender... I am not strong as u... This is the 1st time I surrendered in front of someone when it comes to will power.. Hats off to u dude...
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